When Life Imitates Art

So, many years ago, when I was younger, which is an incredibly odd thing to say because no one ever begins an anecdote, “Here is a picture of me last year when I was older.” I should just state, many years ago… and leave it at that.

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Words that Confues Me

When I write confues, I of course mean confuse (yes, I see the red-squiggle underline and I know it is mispeeled). You see, I have many mental issues that I deal with on a daily basis: I mutter aloud to myself in public, and I can never remember which side of the tap is hot and which is cold. I often mix up my left with my right, and East or West is something that I usually have to think about. Oddly, I never confuse up and down, or North and South, so it must be some sort of complex brain wiring thing.

Anyhow, just like directions, and people’s names with their smelly faces, there are several words that I frequently get mixed up on, or words that I have to ponder which one I really  intended when I accidentally use the other. I’m not talking about homophones, either, even though I confuse that one with homosexual, or concur with conquer. Sorry for making a list (how very shitty BuzzFeed of me). At least it isn’t in alphabemetical order. Neologisms can be so funny.

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Ten Words to Avoid During an Interview

So, there is this list that enumerates ten words smart people often use, implying that if you are a smart person you would use them, too. The article’s central thesis is counter-intuitive and unsupported by any orderly reasoning. If smart people use these words (and these words are not sagacious, loquacious, or sesquipedalian), then in a very short matter of time, one of the smart people would repeat the list as Ten Words Used by Idiots to Appear Intelligent, and they would immediately stop being used by smart people. Their speech patterns would be forever hobbled, because the list of words includes the common ones such as if, could, yes, and, and their own name. Try as you might, it is difficult to find a cinnamon for your own name, unless your name happens to be a baby kangaroo.

At its essence, the list of smart people words is a desperate cry for attention by a dumb person trying to appear smart, so I left the following (sour) comment: Total drivel from a weak mind. Individual words by themselves carry no context and convey no emotional intent. Here are all the ‘good’ words in one sentence: “IF you had a brain, you COULD figure out that, YES, there are people out there who put meaningless word lists TOGETHER, and they don’t even THANK YOU when you CHOOSE TO read AND share them, even though they should BECAUSE (YOUR NAME) WILLINGLY increases their ad revenue.”

But, that got me a thinkin’. Maybe I could get some attention if I were to identify some of the bad words that should never be used during an interview, or any other time when you need to appear erudite. So, I made up my own list, in no particular order, and here it is.

  1. Psychosis
  2. Abuse
  3. Harassment
  4. Misconduct
  5. Trial
  6. Negligent
  7. Endangerment
  8. Depraved
  9. Parole
  10. Registered

See if you can use them all in a single sentence. My history of psychosis and substance abuse resulted in charges for harrassment and misconduct, which a trial determined that I was negligent for reckless endagerment and depraved indifference, and as a condition of my parole, I have to be registered with the local constabulary.

–DG.

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Yahoo! Answers, or Answers by Yahoos

If you are inclined to think that being human is pretty cool, and that humanity has a chance for something positive, you should check out Yahoo! Answers. There, you will find all of the evidence you need to convince yourself that the vast majority of people are no better than some sort of slimy goo that you would scrape off your shoes. The goo is orange in color, I would imagine, in case that is important to know. Possibly with flecks of brown, but definitely orange.

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Teachers: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

My usual reaction to someone posting the typical feel good meme about how great teachers are is to roll my eyes and click the unfollow button. Teachers are great, right? With very few exceptions, the overwhelming majority of the K-12 teachers I have encountered in my lifetime have been pretty rotten people. Whether it was my grade two teacher who used to humiliate lower performing students (i.e. children) by calling them up to the front of the class for a pants-down spanking, or my teacher in grade six who took some grotesque pleasure in verbally mocking and abusing her students, my personal experience with teachers has lead me to conclude that, collectively, they are a malevolent group of power tripping sociopaths who must compensate for their low self-esteem by imposing their dark will upon a classroom full of unsuspecting children who are only there because their parents have to work.

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